My Self Sabotage root causes have been my habits and my trauma. I’ve heard we as humans are creatures of habit. I never really understood this until I began to schedule 70% of my days the night before.
July 1st of this year I found myself in the deep of my chronic depression and I noticed that I was waking up and taking a shower and sticking to my schedule and best of all I wasn’t sleeping all day. All new things for me. Well… I noticed that’s because June 15th I began to implement a schedule! This has been designed to help me obtain all my goals. I never knew setting a schedule like this would keep me out of the deep deep end of depression in bed. I have always gone off my schedule but in the past I’ll take something and implement it some place even when I mess up I’ll make sure I get my meditation in. It has been all the times failing at my schedule that I have learned so much about myself. Both the equation of learning from failing and implementing ways of getting certain rituals done daily I have been able to overcome my obstacles of sticking to a schedule.
My root trauma stems back to at least 2 years old. Maybe before…don’t know…that core memory at 2 it’s been fear of abandonment. Which has lead to I was fearful I wasn’t good enough to learning from watching my father and his self hatred for himself. I learned all these habits of keeping trauma around by watching others do it themselves. I thought it was what life was about.
I’ve the last 4 years I have examined my trauma while also implementing in books and trainings of how to be healed. How to detox the trauma. It’s been the key to releasing the trauma is to learn from others and now I will teach others how to heal their trauma.
My pain and my self sabotage has been my why..my pain is what has found my why.