This was a writing I had written 2 years ago…found it in my phone. I wanted to share it with others tonight. Here is my FB LIVE that I recorded this evening . Here is my grandmas story
Been doing lots of soul searching and forgiving myself last couple years. I was a workaholic since I was 18 and I want to help those that are feeling some affects of workaholism. Maybe your not a workaholic maybe it’s something else that needs to change …I know some of us have things we desired to change but need help….
I’m not a pro at overcoming the workaholism… it’s a day by day process I struggle with it. But what I don’t struggle with anymore is feeling my feelings as I’m working and I’ve been able to be listen to those feelings learn from them listen to them…I think in the workaholism I ignored those feelings…that was why I was working.
The last couple years have been “light years” difference from where I was in 2016. Couple months ago I felt like I changed even more after I’ve reflected on my grandmother who passed away almost 18 years ago . She was an amazing woman…very loving and caring…she was a very good cook and loved to travel. I don’t ever want to take away what a great woman …but reflecting back I’ve noticed, she was in absolute obsession with perfection and immediate gratification. She was always about working hard to retire, pay off the house, perfect credit, perfect clothes, She was always striving for a different body looking for a different type of life. I’m not sure she ever knew true happiness.
She lived in fear constantly about money. She was one of the adults in my life as a child that had taught me to think of money with a scarcity mindset and that’s it’s bad because it disappears so quickly. To this day I remember her showing me a credit card statement and it had a penny balance on it. She was obsessed with it. It was a penny and she acted as if it was end of world because she didn’t write check for correct amount and they wouldn’t credit the penny… Recently I’ve learned great things from my grandma and I’ll be honest with you, it’s pretty sad that I’m learning them nearly 18 years after she passed. I’m grateful that I’m learning these lessons but sad she wasn’t able to teach me these things when she was alive. It’s ok though… she didn’t know! I’ve given myself grace for learning some of these lessons so many years after her passing.
This is her story….
She worked hard! She was a school bus driver she loved the kids but didn’t have many friends at work. She didn’t really like that at all. She would talk to me about work when I was a young 10 year old about how lonely it felt to not be liked at work. To feel like an outcast. At home she was mostly concerned with a perfect lawn, a perfectly clean house, perfect outfit, perfect earrings, perfect smell, perfect makeup, perfect hair. She was always wanting a different body than what she had . I’m sad to think that she may have never been truly present and happy with everything great in her life. I don’t think there were many moments to be grateful for “the small things…“
In 2000 she had months of horrible pain keeping her up at night. She finally went into hospital. They discovered She had last stages of ovarian cancer and in a moment her life changed. They operated but it was too late…she spent the last 6 months of her life in a hospice…In hospice she reached her goal weight but it meant nothing because she had no life left. She thought reaching that weight would make her happier or maybe a better person. She was learning a sad lesson in that hospital bed…those things mean nothing really.
Donna was her name…her house would have been paid off in a few months the day she died. She would talk about how life was gonna get easier without that payment. Her life ended before the “easy”.
She was set to retire 6 months after she died…she never got to see that day that she so looked forward to. She truly lived in the present for more than a few moments at a time…she got to see amazing things in her life, so don’t get me wrong but she was always chasing perfection and the shoulda, woulda, and the couldas’s!
I see how wonderfully blessed I am to at 35 …2 years ago begin to find who I really am…what I do as professions are merely vehicles. We live in an age where what we do for a living we have to use it to serve others. This is my lesson, to serve others! Most my work life I was chasing after what I thought was serving people, but it was actually serving me. Maybe I forgot that desire to serve, but I found it again. It has been so clear for for me in the last year that these positions in my professional life are merely to have a platform to show people that they can live their best life today! I’m really in the personal growth business and I see it as almost disguised as health and wellness (Arbonne) or disguised as real estate biz (Real Estate Agent)…This is my calling …to help people find their best selves…it’s never to late to do what you want to do. To live out the desires in our heart!
My last thoughts are to kick stress to the curb…if you keep doing what your doing in 5 years what does that look like to you? Are you ok with this? If your not and you want change you want to feel better, you wanna do better, kick stress to the curb! Text Me! 720.934.6559 with the words-MORE INFO I can help you get out of the same ol same ol! I have the recipe card—I share it with anyone who asks!